I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder if my life would be any easier if I had never met you. Sometimes I wonder if I would still be here if I'd never met you. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be different to how I am now if I'd ever met you. Sometimes I wonder if I'd still be where I was 4 years ago. Sometimes I wonder if I would still be as paranoid as I am now, or still have the mood swings if I'd never met you. I wonder if my life would be better if I had never ran into you 3 and a half years ago. There's so many things I wonder about how my life would be different if you'd never walked in to it. But I don't care. I love that you're still sticking around after everything thats happened. I love how you understand why I do the things I do. I love how we can still be the same around each other like nearly nothing has changed, like we're still the best of friends. I know we are still best friends, but it's hard thinking of you being with her, thinking of you loving her the way you used to love me. But I'm happy for you. I'm happy you've found that again, I'm happy that you're happy, even though it's not with me. I wish it was though, even after all of this time, I still wish it was me. :/
I wonder if I will ever find someone I feel the way I feel about you. In some way I hope I don't. I don't want to have what I had with you with anyone else. Maybe that's me being stupid, or silly, but it's true. I don't want what I had with you with anybody else. Only you. I love you, and I probably always will. In every way possible. <3