Random Thoughts...

So I've decided to make a blog... I'm not quite sure why since any blog I have written previously has somehow gotten me into trouble... I'm hoping this will be different...

So its now summer yet I'm feeling so alone to previous ones its feeling odd... It seems that my friends are drifting away from me no matter how hard I try to hold on to them... And they don't seem to be affected by that at all... It hurts but I guess I've dealt with it before so I can deal with it again right? There are those few people though who I have recently had the privilage of knowing. Those few have promised they will stay in my life and always be there for me as I have them... Darragh is amoung those people and he asked me to mention him xD I have gotten close to him recently and its awesome. He is a great friend and an amazing person and I do hope he sticks around for longer then most people have :)

So I haven't liked the way I look for a while now... I don't remember a time when I really loved it, so that's why I have decided to go for a complete image change this summer. I want to feel comfortable with how I look and how people see me. I want to exercise and feel good about myself because I know I deserve to have that small little thing out of life, I know that thats the least i deserve so I refuse to complain about it and let my mothers little remarks affect me the way they do.

I'm turning 18 this summer and it scares the shit out of me... I don't want to have all these things expected of me. I don't want to disappoint anyone, even if they disappoint me sometimes... I know people say you can only do your best and don't worry or whatever but if its not good enough for them, then thats where the disappointment comes in right?

Anyway, on the positive side, it is summer, I don't have to worry about my LC or school. This summer is whatever I make of it and this is the last weekend where i stay at home, in an environment where I feel repressed and uncomfortable. This summer will be different. Its going to be a good summer.