July - A Complete New Start. A Fresh New Me.

So what I have decided is I need to be more selfish and stop putting everybody else first. I need to get rid of all the drama and shit out of my life and mend things that need to be mended... I need to take a break from people and not get so emotionally involved with certain people and in certain situations, it never does me any good. So I've done the hardest thing I've probably ever done and that's told somebody I can't be their friend for a while... I don't know how they're going to take it... And it scares me cause I shouldn't hurt people like that, but I need to learn how to if I'm going to go through life, keeping people that are important to me, and having good friends that will stay with me through the good times, and the bad... I need more people like that. And I really hope I have found some people like that recently. Sandy, Niamh, Jess, Justin, Kibby ♥

I have also gotten back in contact with a few people and I'm overly happy about that. You never really know what amazing people you have in your life untill they're gone for a while... But I now have them back and I honestly do not know what I'd do if I ever lost them for good. Saoirse, Sophie, Emily, I love you guys forever ♥

Lately I've been missing someone more and more and I honestly never thought I would... They hurt me. But they were my best friend for almost three years... And you'll always miss a best friend, no matter what happened between you's, and with that, I kind of think she may miss me too... So I want to talk to her again, maybe be friends again, but I'm scared. I'm scared I'll get hurt again by her... She seems to have changed from what I've heard and what people have told me... So what I've decided to do is to mail her on facebook. I don't want to text her because that could be more pressure on her.. Plus she could have a different number now.. But I will try.

I don't want to have fears in my life anymore. I've been afraid of many things for far too long and I want them gone. I want to be a strong person, someone I could be proud of, and someone other people, like my friends and family could be proud of. I refuse to be the person who gets pushed around and walked on anymore, I will not let other people influence my moods and thoughts and actions. I need to be me now, I need to be Saoirse again. And that is starting from now.