It's been quite a while since I've written a blog, I just haven't been inspired by anything lately. But last night I felt like I had something to write about again. It feels like so much has happened since August and when I think about it, it kind of has. I turned 18, I got rid of one person who was toxic for me, working on a second one now xD I'm in my last year of school now and I'm trying my best to do all the work I need to. I had a huge fight and almost lost one of my closest friends, I was pretty devastated for a while when all that was going on, but last Saturday I decided I needed to open up a bit more. Maybe not trust exactly, but be able to not focus on so much negative stuff. I've been doing fairly well on that since. We made up and everythings okay again. :) although I don't feel like I trust him fully again just yet, it's better then how it was before. I have made things better with many of my friends that I felt I had pushed away. I have a new outlook on life now. I don't mope around so much, like I used to. I don't feel the need to hide things from certain people. I can trust people more now, but not as many as I'd like to be able. Basically I'm more optimistic. Which is AWESOME!
So... There's this girl Alley. I have written about her before... In one of my first blongs actually. Ronan was introducing me to her. Well.. Over the summer I got to know her, not as well as I'd have liked but still, it's better then nothing. She's awesome. She's so like me. She's fun too. I don't know how we never became friends before this... But anyways... I like her. I like her a fair bit. And I'm trying this new thing where I'm completely honest with people from now on. So I told her that I like her. I timed it so she wouldn't text me back. (She has no credit or free texts) I find that was the best way I ever told anyone I liked them. I didn't get worried when they didn't reply. I didn't start thinking "Oh shit, what if I just ruined our friendship?" I was, and still am, really calm about it all. And it's awesome. I'm not gonna hound her into talking to me about what I text her cause it most definitely would not help anything. It would pressuer her, and that's the last thing I want to do. We'll see where it goes. xD
Something else that I have come to accept. I do love Ronan. My feelings for him aren't any less then they were. And he still loves me too. We may not be together now, or for a very long time either, but he still loves me. And I believe that we will always have something. We will always have a bond that's different to anything I have ever had with anyone else, and I doubt I will have with anyone else. Our friendship is special, and I'm going to keep him in my life, even if it just means keeping him as a friend.
Man I'm getting really deep now xD
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